Never say never.

First of all, forgive me for I seem to be lagging at this whole blog this, once again. & I'm coming to you from my iPhone, so bring on the typos!

I'm lying here in bed, at 11 o'clock at night tentatively listening to the baby monitor, and periodically tip toeing to Emma Claire's bedroom to gaze at her from the doorway. Sure, I could be snoozing away because I am beyond give out, but of course I'm not. You see, this is the first night I'm giving it a true shot at getting her to sleep in her very own bed. It's exhausting to say the very least. Joseph has been snoring away for a while now, so it's a great time to ramble. Right?

Let me confess, in the past 7+ weeks I have accomplished doing most everything I swore I would NEVER do. Throughout my short 9 months of pregnancy I thought I had everything about motherhood figured out. I believed everyone who had been there, done that was out of their minds when they tried to share advice with me. I already knew everything there was to know. I knew just what I was going to do and not do. Wrong. Very wrong.

Pacifiers- ugh, no thank you. My child wouldn't carry around one of those ridiculous things in her mouth. She wouldn't find comfort in that, and I wasn't going to offer it to her. I was also going to let the nurse staff know she was to not get one during the hospital stay. Ha! Emma Claire had the hospital supplied pacifier on day 1. Now, she doesn't take it very often, but I am thankful for it when she gets sleepy for sure. Just in case-- they can be found here at home, in the diaper bag, and also at the restaurant. I'm also thankful she's not crazy about her thumb. I can throw a pacifier away, but I can't really throw her thumb away.

Formula- she wasn't going to have that mess either. I planned to Breastfeed exclusively. Sadly, that didn't go as planned. I won't go into detail with all that here, mostly because I'm still pretty bummed about it, but I'm accepting things I cannot change and slowly moving on. Formula isn't anything to compare to Mama's milk, but I'm thankful for the smelly stuff for sure. It's helping sweet girl to grow and get a belly full. That's all that matters to me.

Cosleeping- This was at the top of my "Don't Do" list. All I've ever heard is if you ever start them in your bed, you'll never get them out. I agree. I slept in my parent's bed practically until I moved out. Emma Claire started out in her Rock 'N Play next to my side of the bed. Then one night Joseph and I fell asleep with her in between us. It felt so good to me to cuddle her throughout the night. Having her little body snuggled up to me is like Heaven on earth. Since the first night of her sleeping with us, she has been alternating from our bed and the Rock 'N Play. It's so much easier to rest when she's in bed with us though. Tonight is proof-- she's in her bed, asleep now for well over an hour, and I'm anxiously awaiting her to call out for me any minute now.

Gifts- Christmas is right around the corner and Joseph and I agreed we wouldn't have a big to-do this year. We never buy gifts for anyone, not even ourselves or our nieces and nephew. Sad, I know, but I don't believe in buying stuff just because its Christmas unless the item is truly needed. I don't like clutter, and I don't like having something I have no use for. With that said, I want to buy Emma Claire EVERYTHING!!! She'll only be 2 1/2 months then, but by golly it's so difficult not to spoil her beyond measure. I'm doing good though, nothing had been purchased other than Cinderella. My sister and I had a huge Disney movie collection growing up, so that's what I'd like to do for Emma. Plus, that's a great thing to tell grandparents, aunts and uncles, and whom ever else asks what she'd like for gift-giving holidays and special occasions. Also, DVD's don't take up lots of space in my home, so it's a win-win for all :) Oh, and birthdays wouldn't be over the top either. Just this week I've been looking at options for her 1st birthday cake. Already?! Yes, I know, I've got it bad. Very, very bad. I just want her to have everything. I want to give Emma everything in my power and I don't see that changing any time soon, if ever.

I'm sure that I'm forgetting many other things I said I'd never do, but they'll come to me one of these days after I reluctantly do them. For now, I'll go check on sweet baby once more and then try to get some rest myself. Cross your fingers this works out and say a little prayer for this mama. I sure don't want Emma Claire sleeping in her bed without me next to her side, but I know this is what is best for all three of us. Maybe ;)

Emma Claire's Birth Story & More

October 6, 2012 I woke up around 3:30AM with severe lowerback pain and discomfort. I continued waking up off and on all throughout thenight. I kept brushing it off as cramps or just a sore back since we had a busyday at the restaurant the day before. Finally, after consulting with two close friendsand Joseph about my pains, unsure if they were contractions or not, I decided togo ahead to the hospital for reassurance either way.

Mama and I checked into the hospital around 9AM I believe. Muchto my surprise I was already 4CM dilated and 100% effaced. The contractionswere pretty fierce to say the least, but I was truly in awe that it was alreadytime to meet my precious girl. Mama called Joseph to share the news with him sohe could close the restaurant and join us at the hospital. Of course hereplied, “Don’t wait for me!”. As if he really thought I would prolong meetingmy precious baby? It wasn’t too long after my doctor was called that I was inmy delivery room . I kicked Mama out and sent her to the cafeteria and receiveda Heavenly epidural by 11:30AM or so. 

Joseph's sign he made for the store. Bless his heart.

Ofcourse Daddy made it to the hospital long before Joseph did, but he did make itafter securing the store and getting himself ready. Most men would have walked in the delivery room, checked on their wife, maybe even asked if they could get her anything. No, not Joseph. He walks in and immediately begins to look for the TV control, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

You'd think they were the ones in labor.

All throughout the labor I don’t think it truly ever dawnedon me that Joseph and I were fixing to be hit with parenthood and be sharingour days and nights with such a beautiful creature sent from the Lord above. Thetime to push came around the corner faster than I had expected. Joseph took hisseat in the waiting room and I did the thing! Aunt Bea, Joseph’s mom - Janet,Erin, Abby, and Grace was there to keep him company, along with Raleigh and Jacob.

Mama, Daddy, and Dorothy hung around in the delivery room withme to share the experience of their third grandchild, and first niece beingborn. They probably said “PUSH” more times than they had in their entire livesin those few short minutes, but it wasn’t until Dr. Trest threatened aC-section due to the fact that Emma Claire’s heartbeat began to drop that I actuallytook that concept and figuratively “ran” with it.

Emma Claire's very first picture

 Emma Claire Skidmore was welcomed into this world at 5:43PMon the evening of October 6^th weighing in at 6 pounds and 5 ounces. She was 19inches long and already blowing bubbles! She instantly stole our hearts!

Proud Mama

Proud Daddy

Fast forward to present day and baby girl is nearly 3 weeksold. I still don’t understand what we’ve doing without her in our lives untilnow. She has already brought so much joy into our lives in such a short amountof time. It warms my heart and soul to watch her daddy love her like I lovethem.

The past few weeks haven’t been all rainbows andbutterflies, but it can only get better from here. We are all still learningwith each new day, and I am looking forward to many more learning experiences. Iknow they will all be worth it as long as we are sharing these precious momentstogether, as a family.

Just to make you smile...
 

23 Days until EDD

So, today I am officially 36 weeks and 5 days pregnant. Tuesday was my appointment with my trusty OB-GYN. Much to my surprise, I am dilated 2cm and 70% effaced. How cool is that?! We are already making a little progress and getting this show on the road!

Since that appointment, Joseph asks me periodically if I’m in labor. Silly man. That’s just one of the countless reasons I love him so much. Aside from that, he sent me home early the other day with orders to put my feet up. I loved the sound of that idea, but it didn’t actually pan out. I did go home, but I did everything aside from putting my feet up. I even had dinner ready before he made it home!

It’s so weird to think that this time next month I will have a beautiful little creature with me; a tiny baby that will need me each and every moment of the day. Oh, it just lights up my heart to think about this. Although I already know I will utterly miss the pregnancy, I am anxiously looking forward to meeting Emma Claire and watching as her personality shines through. I wonder what she’ll be like, how she may look, the facial expressions she’ll share with me… so many other things, too! I can’t help but to smile as I think about sharing our lives with our daughter and sharing her life with so many around us. Needless to say, I have an abundance of things to look forward to.

5 Short Weeks to BABY :~)

As I lay here in bed, hoping not to wake Joseph since he has a long drive to Atlanta in a few short hours, I can't help but let my mind wonder. I guess that's all I really can do at this time of the morning.
Mostly, it wonders to us being full fledge parents in just a handful of weeks that are sure to fly by. I'm thinking of nursing my precious baby girl all through the day and night and what a wonderful bond that will create. Pleasant thoughts of learning new things about her each day ignites my soul and causes me to be more anxious than ever before. Dressing her in ruffles and bows is nothing I've ever dreamed of, but it's now something my heart desires. Sharing my wonderful church family with her from the very start with hopes she'll be strongly tied to our faith is at the top of my many to-do lists.
Thoughts of family time flood my mind. Oh what a joy this little soul has already brought to our world! I can only imagine it will get better and better as times goes on. It's ironic what such a small being can change in one's life. Because of her, I now know exactly what I expect of myself and my family: nothing short of the best! Each day I will anticipate growing and learning from the days before.
I'm truly thankful Joseph and I are able to experience the journey of parenthood side by side. I could not imagine experiencing such a beautiful and challenging chapter of my life with anyone else. God has had this planned out especially for the two of us. I'm thankful he led me to such a fine, quality man to share all of the good and bad this life has laid aside for me, for I know Joseph is largely responsible for the person I am today.

Oh my! A year already?!

What a world of difference one year can make. One year ago today, I completed my last round of chemotherapy at Jackson Medical Mall. Fast forward to today, and just look at me now! I am 33+ weeks pregnant with my little miracle baby- Emma Claire.

I’ll never question why I was diagnosed with cancer, because I already know the answer. My cancer journey strengthened me more than I ever knew was possible. My relationships with many grew beyond measure. Coincidently, my relationships with others seem to have vanished. I realized what is most important in life and what never even mattered. I do not dwell on silly things any longer. I try my very best to make each new day better than the one prior.

Let me catch you up on the past 8+ months. December 28, 2011 I was found to be cancer free! I received such wonderful scans and blood work, my oncologist cleared me to start trying to conceive. In the very beginning of this journey, even before my first chemotherapy treatment, my doctors shared their concern that I may not ever be able to produce a child. I believe they gave me a 20% chance to do so after my chemotherapy and radiation treatments were complete. Low and behold, I took that 20% chance and ran with it! I shared my first positive pregnancy test with Joseph on the night of January 26, 2012. It was the most joyous, scary night of my life! My dream was coming true right before my eyes. Over the course of the next 3 or 4 days, I took many more tests which all came out positive. That next week, February 1^st, I had afollow-up with my oncologist. Oh they were so happy for me! To tell you the truth, they may have even seemed a little shocked at the news. July 16^th,we found out we are expecting a precious baby girl! I can’t even describe to you how pink her closet has suddenly become after the baby showers. It’s abeautiful thing to be loved so much by so many!

Less than seven weeks before my expected due date is here, and I believe I am as prepared as I’ll ever be. I’ve taken birthing, newborn, and breast feeding classes at Anderson’s hospital over the past five weeks. Luckily, Mama was there with me to remember any information I didn’t log. Nursery furniture has been set up for many weeks, nursery bedding was sent back this week and new was ordered, car seat and stroller was put together this week, pack ‘n play was set up yesterday, and all of her little clothes are organized neatly, hospital bags are nearly packed and ready to go, and the list just goes on!

On another note, over the last year or so, I have slowly been finding my way back to a strong relationship with God. As a young girl, I can remember attending Shubuta Baptist every Sunday and Wednesday with my family. Can you believe we are all there Sunday mornings and Wednesday nights now—together!? Sure, we each took an extended break from actively attending church, but none of us stopped believing or leaning on the Lord for guidance. I am  truly thankful to have found my way back to that wonderful church family. It’s as if they have been expecting our return for quite some time. Even more so, I am looking forward to sharing and guiding Emma Claire with our faith as her family. I believe in my heart that each child should be given the chance to learn and appreciate God’s word. How could I expect to be a good mother if I didn’t havethe good Lord in my heart to share with my baby girl? Yes, I have a long way to go, but I do know that I am moving in the right direction. I’m taking the path that God has set aside just for me, where are you traveling?

P.S. I do plan on being a better blogger from this day forth :-) I have a feeling that I will have plenty more great things to share with you as time passes by. Enjoy the ride!